A Real Pain

Searchlight Pictures

“Do you know how people love you?” Spoken by Eisenberg’s confusion driven character, David, in a moment of frustrated compassion for his cousin Benji, played by Culkin. I think we can all see a bit of ourselves in David with this quote (my favorite line in the film). We all grow apart from someone at least once in our lives. When you love someone, how far can your compassion and empathy go when you no longer know who they are? A Real Pain tells a story many can, unfortunately, relate to: what do we do when we realize people we care for so deeply and inherently have changed beyond our recognition?

Eisenberg wastes no time showing us these characters are direct foils for each other. David is Eisenberg’s all too familiar, but still enjoyable, bottled up, anxious character who calls his cousin Benji repeatedly before arriving at the airport, nervous that he won’t have been responsible enough to arrive on time.  Therefore, Benji is Culkin’s highly expressive rule-breaking character- though he does traverse to a level of characterization I do not normally see from him- who unceremoniously gives David a yogurt he has been saving in his pocket. The costume design swiftly presents a visual distinction for the characters: Benji sporting some overly relaxed hoodie or t-shirt, and haircut and facial hair that totally doesn’t scream “I just got out of bed”. While David is always layered with some buttons or a half zip as if he is going to the office for business casual Friday with a fresh face to match.

David and Benji have grown up as close as cousins could be in a Jewish family that originated in Poland, the home of their recently deceased grandmother who survived the Holocaust. Benji was extremely close to their grandmother- he called her every Sunday and attended regularly scheduled dinners with her. David was not as close to her as his emotionally laden cousin, recounting her life rather than his personal relationship with her. Their heritage trip begins on a group tour starting in Warsaw with money she left them in her will. Other group members are not given much backstory, therefore not being used as emotional crutches to propel the cousins’ storyline but ultimately help highlight the personalities we see have diverged the cousins over time. There is one scene that I think demonstrates their differences perfectly.

A woman named Marcia (Jennifer Gray) spends a portion of the first day speaking with Benji after he notices her walking alone. Benji remarks about a “deep sadness behind her eyes”. David inputs that maybe she wants to be alone and Benji disdainfully (almost as if he is disappointed in David’s assertion) replies, “No one wants to be alone.” He catches up with Marcia, asking if she’s walking alone because she is a “loser” which gets a laugh as they keep each other’s pace. Benji understands that people have a shared humanistic experience and is not scared to put himself in a vulnerable position to make others feel comfortable and heard. He can also feel emotion on the opposite upswing when faced with his own pain settling into his mind at a given moment. David appears to be the type to not want to ruffle any feathers; giving others the chance to express themselves. He wants to know exactly where to fit into the conversation and wants the group to call upon him so that he is ultimately accepted.

This is demonstrated again at a group dinner later in the film. Benji and David begin to tell their grandmother’s story; they toss the ball back and forth for power and control over how her story should be told. Benji wants to speak about her as a person who meant something irrevocably important to him, while David is using her story for acceptance among the group. David reveals in an upheaval of frustration that he struggles with his own pain due to it being “unexceptional”, choosing to move on and work through it to not burden anyone. David cries having come to an emotional crossroads after finally seeing how Benji has changed. He yearns to be like Benji, to light up a room and have charm, yet revealing he does not understand how someone with such desirable traits could have tried to kill himself six months ago. David remarks about his wife and child, comparing this to his mental image of Benji: “Passed out on a ratty basement couch”.

The following day, the group goes to the Majdanek concentration camp. The Chopin pieces that have adorned the film thus far cease once they reach the entrance, making the viewer step into the sorrow and horror experienced here. They are guided through the bathhouses, the gas chamber, and rooms containing shoes collected from the victims. Benji is so struck by the experience that he spends the ride to the hotel sobbing, next to David who looks uncomfortable or simply does not understand Benji’s reaction. While smoking on the roof of their hotel that evening, they argue about their inability to understand the way that each of them has changed. Benji misses David’s emotional side and his presence in his life. David misses the version of Benji who isn’t wracked with pain so outwardly and struggles to reconcile with the choices Benji has made.

They visit their grandmother’s house and share a moment of putting stones on the doorstep following a Jewish tradition usually performed on gravestones to signify that person has not been forgotten. It’s a moment of shared and parallel grief, the only one in the film. Though they cannot understand how they got to be who they are today, they can meet each other in this moment and remember quietly who they once were.

There is no going back to the young, sleepless nights walking around China Town that Benji recalls fondly. There is just who they are now. To complete the equation of the pair reconciling their newfound differences, Benji remains in the airport- “You meet the craziest people, man”- sandwiched silently between two strangers and David goes home to his wife and son, greeting them with wide open arms.